The Dawn2Dawn Interview With Homer Simpson


D2D-  Homer, when did you decide to take up photography?

HOMER- I think it was the day I noticed Flanders next door taking photos of his perfect family. There was no way he was going to get away with that!

D2D- I saw one of your photographs where Flanders was very angry for you taking his picture. Did you apologize?

HOMER- I never apologize, I’m sorry, but that’s the way I am.

D2D- Homer, what is your favorite subject to photograph?

HOMER- It’s also my favorite subject to drink, Duffs Beer!  Do you have any of that beer that has candy in it? You know, Skittlebrau?

D2D- How do you cram all this new photography knowledge into that small brain of yours?

HOMER- Whenever I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out. I remember that time I went to those Duff Brewery classes and I forgot how to drive?

D2D- Do you photograph Marge often?

HOMER-  Yes, and I need a very ,very wide angle lens  for that head of hair she has.

D2D- But you’d still rather photograph a beer?

HOMER-A woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good and you’d step over your own mother just to get one.

D2D- What else do you photograph?

HOMER- Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?

D2D- Have you taken a bad photo?

HOMER- Everybody makes mistakes. That’s why they put erasers on pencils.

D2D- Do you like to get out in nature and photograph wildlife?

HOMER- No not really. My favorite type of wildlife is on a plate!  Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.

D2D- So, if you lose your job, do you think you can make a living in photography?

HOMER- I can also make money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with just one.

D2D- So Homer, do you think Bart might take up photography?

HOMER- Children are our future unless we stop them now.

D2D- How do you manage your time with work, family and photography?

HOMER-  Yes. It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, work, photography but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

D2D- With your new hobby, is this affecting your family life?

HOMER-  Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is like another nail.

D2D- What advice do you give to your kids when they have difficulty learning a new hobby?

HOMER- Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.  The lesson is, never try.

D2D- Do you plan to volunteer some of your photos to charities?

HOMER-  Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don’t even get paid for the stuff they do?

D2D- I’ll bet you love to photograph the innocent and cheerful faces of children.

HOMER-  When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.

D2D- So Homer with your new love for photography, do you still like your job at the factory?

HOMER- I don’t like my job but you go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

D2D- So Homer. What motivates you to get out and shoot?

HOMER- I have a great new motivation technique, it is donuts, and the possibility of more donuts.

Categories: HumorTags: , , ,
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