Tall Tales From The Field

The Dawn2Dawn Interview With Homer Simpson

HOMER SIMPSON IS THE SUBJECT OF THIS MONTHS DAWN2DAWN PHOTOGRAPHY INTERVIEW.  HOMER HAS FOUND TIME FROM HIS BUSY SCHEDULE TO BECOME QUITE AN ESTABLISHED PHOTOGRAPHER.

D2D-  Homer, when did you decide to take up photography?

HOMER- I think it was the day I noticed Flanders next door taking photos of his perfect family. There was no way he was going to get away with that!

D2D- I saw one of your photographs where Flanders was very angry for you taking his picture. Did you apologize?

HOMER- I never apologize, I’m sorry, but that’s the way I am.

D2D- Homer, what is your favorite subject to photograph?

HOMER- It’s also my favorite subject to drink, Duffs Beer!  Do you have any of that beer that has candy in it? You know, Skittlebrau?

D2D- How do you cram all this new photography knowledge into that small brain of yours?

HOMER- Whenever I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out. I remember that time I went to those Duff Brewery classes and I forgot how to drive?

D2D- Do you photograph Marge often?

HOMER-  Yes, and I need a very ,very wide angle lens  for that head of hair she has.

D2D- But you’d still rather photograph a beer?

HOMER-A woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good and you’d step over your own mother just to get one.

D2D- What else do you photograph?

HOMER- Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?

D2D- Have you taken a bad photo?

HOMER- Everybody makes mistakes. That’s why they put erasers on pencils.

D2D- Do you like to get out in nature and photograph wildlife?

HOMER- No not really. My favorite type of wildlife is on a plate!  Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.

D2D- So, if you lose your job, do you think you can make a living in photography?

HOMER- I can also make money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with just one.

D2D- So Homer, do you think Bart might take up photography?

HOMER- Children are our future unless we stop them now.

D2D- How do you manage your time with work, family and photography?

HOMER-  Yes. It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, work, photography but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

D2D- With your new hobby, is this affecting your family life?

HOMER-  Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is like another nail.

D2D- What advice do you give to your kids when they have difficulty learning a new hobby?

HOMER- Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.  The lesson is, never try.

D2D- Do you plan to volunteer some of your photos to charities?

HOMER-  Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don’t even get paid for the stuff they do?

D2D- I’ll bet you love to photograph the innocent and cheerful faces of children.

HOMER-  When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.

D2D- So Homer with your new love for photography, do you still like your job at the factory?

HOMER- I don’t like my job but you go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

D2D- So Homer. What motivates you to get out and shoot?

HOMER- I have a great new motivation technique, it is donuts, and the possibility of more donuts.

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